Time to re-vamp

"Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever wanna live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then look around. Drink it in. 'Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." Grey's Anatomy


I remembered that I was going to try and at least post once a week and I didn't. Partly because I have been pretty busy and mostly because I was disappointed/frustrated with this entire plan... Working out has actually went pretty well, more consisting of walking my dogs nearly every day and working out when I can, I am eating better and taking more vitamins. But prayer is still strained at best. I am not someone who likes to be fake, or pretend to be someone I'm not. Do I wish I had some great faith and understanding of God and his plan for me? Sure... But will I go about pretending that I do and not saying how I feel and not questioning the reasons why? No.
I think putting a 40 day goal was a joke, because everyday my relationship with God goes up and down. My feelings are conditional for what is suppose to be an unconditional love. I believe that bad things just happen, without reason or meaning and to try and find the master plan in all of it is just trying to find the silver lining... 40 days was too soon, it wasn't going to change in 40 days, maybe not this year, who knows, I could be angry with God for one thing or another for the rest of my life. But that's not the christian thing to say, yet I know that I am not the only one who feels this way! And I know people are just trying to help when they attempt to comfort you with their faith, but quoting scripture and trying to explain God's plan to someone who feels the way that I do... You might as well be speaking Arabic.

I believe that where there are storm clouds, there's thunderstorms, and where there are thunderstorms, there's lightning. Do I believe that miracles happen? Of course I do, but do I think there is any method or reasoning behind it? No... Because everyone who is suffering from Cancer, deserves to live. But not everyone does. Every loving person who wants to raise a child and would be a great parent, should have the chance to. But not everyone does. We are currently involved in two Wars, while another always seems on the horizon... It is easy to be positive and have Faith when you live in the light. It is much harder, when the world seems to darken every day.

We celebrate small victories, good health if we have it, family when they're near, and a love that only comes around once in a lifetime. I go to bed every night praying for the world, even though logic & reason tell me it won't make a difference. Maybe one morning I will wake up and feel different, but for tonight, and tomorrow, I remain a realist.

So this blog is going to change, and I am going to try and write a lot more and it will never be the same subject... I can't promise it will be every day, or even every week... But whenever something inspires me to do so, I will.

Peace & Love